... Losing ....

...I feel like crying..just crying and crying...non-stop! I'm not even sure why i feel this way... :( but yes i do feel this-a-way...I'm confused...and lost..and so many have said they could..and would find me...but they haven't found me yet..I'm starting to wonder whether I'm that at hiding...or is it just 'cause they're really not that interested in finding me...and even if they did try to find me, they didn't try hard enough...
...Maybe I'm not missed...maybe I'm not really worth finding...maybe life is already full for them without me in it...maybe i don't have enough to offer to be worth looking for or bothering about...maybe they've realised they're so many better people to be with and make sure they don't get lost the way i did...
...Now even I'm starting to wonder...starting to think I ain't so worth it anymore and I don't try finding myself...I'm better off lost to everyone it seems...
...Wish someone would tell me why it is thissa-way though...

nearing the departure...

....As the day comes nearer for your depature...my heart starts beating faster and faster...It's only 'cause i'm scared, i'm petrified...i'm so very worried...how am i to survive here without you...you know your my lifeline...
Yeah people say if you keep yourself busy and involved in friends and other activities you like doing, you'll get over it...but what if it's not true...like in my case...cause you just don't feel like doing anything except sit in that very same place and position you were in when he left...and await his return...so thatthis time you can hold onto him tight enough so that he won't go off, leaving you behind and alone even again...
I feel like crying for you but I don't 'cause I know you don't like to see tears in my eyes or wet cheeks...but how else do i deal with my lonliness when your not around...??? i can't help it...nothing...and no-one else is good enough or will ever be good enough...
Oh! how I wish i was accompanying you on this trip... :(

Frustration

...so will this person you love with all your heart ever 'actually' know just how much you love him..??? will he ever believe it...??? ...will he ever actaully see it...??? what do you have to do to show them the love inside your heart for them...???

....you know what, what sucks so much...?
that your ready to do so much for that one person, give up everything...defy whoever doesn't stand with you on it...just because your love is so strong for this person, but this person wouldn't do the same...though he claims to love you more than you love him...i don't get it!

quoting Taylor Swift's lyrics of her song 'I'd Lie' ->
And I could tell you
His favorite color's green
He loves to argue
Born on the seventeenth
His sister's beautiful
He has his father's eyes
And if you ask me if I love him
I'd lie

...except i wouldn't lie...
i want the whole world to know how much i love him
and that i'm happiest when i'm with him....

~ Me <3 ~