sobs!

yeah, have 2 papers tomorrow but it doesn't seem to bother me as much...
...as much as my dad not being around anymore..
no-one knows the real truth about how i feel, or how i deal with it for that matter,
and thats coz basically, i gotta keep it up for the people i care about the most...
yes it gets awfully hard at times, like especially the last few nights, but i'm coping...
...been hoping to catch Dave (one of my closest friends, though we hardly chat) online for quite sometime...since he always helps...and knows exactly what to say...but i've been unlucky... :(
...anyways i should get to bed now,
just thought i'd let you in on the reason for the sobs you just heard coming from my side of the room though its 3:15am here!
i'll fill you in better tomorrow morning...

.....night!

nup!

nup! not yet! not a minute of studying done yet!
exams begin monday
and i have no clue what my paper on monday is on even!
shame on me!...

...wtv!

mind you own business, you know your life ain't perfect either,
so stop judging me...and anyways, you don't really give a damn about me so yeah...save yourself the trouble...don't worry i won't say 'she/he never said anything to me or warned me, it's his/her fault, i was his/her responsiblity...etc etc'
..so go on, do urself a favour and....scram! leave me be...!
no need for actors here...my life has enough already...!

:(

today...thank God it's finally over!

phew! its been a really really loooooooooong day and you have no clue how thankful i am that it's come to an end...yay!

...lets see, yesterday ended at 5:30am this morning and today started just about 3hours later! yeah well the compromises you gotta make when...the less said the better...

anyways the first thing on my agenda for today was my damned english oral exam! had to be in college by 10am and yeah its basically a 5min business but nope! ...some teachers are plain sadistic and call you 2 hours in advance and then have you read in front of 110 students and well, also give you weird topics like 'stress and teenagers' to talk about on the spot,infront of the 110 people as well for a whole 1minute! ...how the hell do you expect people like, who are terrified of speaking infront of such huge numbers to ever fare well??? and what makes it worse is that i heard that we were the only class put through this awful pain, the rest just had to do it in batches of 10 people at a time...! Bitch! :(

...anyways i hope she decides to be less of a bitch and well...not slash our marks in a vain attempt to keep me back this year, since anways my attendance has been...minimal to say the least...hoping and praying here...

...hmm....wonder how i survived with just 3 hours of sleep tody and yet here i am at 1:05am typing this out for you to read...no wonder i felt dizzy and all pukey earlier...i really should try and get more rest...aaah well...!

...the rest of the day was...not of much interest...to even the most bored person on this planet...in short i had a silly fight with my sister which had my mum yelling at us to cut it out and then when it had no effect on us, grumbling under her breath and storming off into the kitchen to get dinner ready while the fight ended having both, my sister and me bawling like babies (hides face in shame) ...but well i didn't like being told i'm not good enough or smart enough like her, specially by her...!

...so well heres my day all laid out for you, i gotta get off now and get a start on my studies for real this time, finals in 3days! Save meeeeee...!

..don't worry i'll be back soon to waste some more of your time soon enough...you'll have no time to miss me or this riff-raff at all...!

goodnight!

~ Me ~

Happiness...??? whats that...???

....so what do you do when you feel empty, and like happiness never seems to last for you...? well 'kay some people would temme that i'm lucky enough to have happiness evn come knocking on my door and then vanishing, atleast it's visited me and not left me out completely as if i was insignificant enough to be completely left out...bt still...i ain't...i can't be okay with it...i want hapiness to do more than just knock at my door and then leave me sprawled out on the floor, out of breath and energy after it's run away and had me chasing it with everything in me till i'm nearly wiped out...emotionally...and of faith and hope for quite a long time, till it comes back and pulls the same darned trick on me AGAIN...! ...and i fall for it AGAIN...! ...each time running after it with new found hope and faith and energy believing each time that this time i wouldn't fall or run out of energy or faith or anything right till i had bagged it, caught up to it, captured it and secured it finally in my life...for the rest of it...
...but d'oh! ...obviously i fall very...VERY short every single damned time... :(
*sigh*

...."wonder whether i should give up on it now, and stop wasting time on it...move onto something else, that will hopefully take its place well enough...and not allow me to miss it much..."...
what say you..???

FINALS!

...so i've got exams coming up in less than a week...yeah really...and well they're finals...! ...but somehow i just can't seem to get myself to study, i don't know why...or what to do that will help me here coz i desperately need to study and do well in these exams...specially since for the last 2 terms i'v been sick and in hardly any condition to give the exams...phew! ...any...ANY suggestions at all anyone...??? i am you-know...desperate...phew! :(