you called me 'mah angel' today...tonight! ...what was that about??? suddenly??? outa nowhere???
i'm stunned....and perplexed! what are you aiming at? want something? ...or are you bloody finally realising my worth...??? what is it...???!
...again your off to bed...dream on...you asked me for something and i obeyed immediately...go have a look, you'll see....
i can't sleep, you know the reason why already, and un-fairly ( i know that ain't much of a word, thanks for the correction, but its just how i wanna say it...heard of poetic license? boo!)...unfairly enough you sleep on blissfully not knowing or even seeming to half care about how i feel here while i toss and turn all night in bed...anyways get on with it...thats the best way you can be now anyways.....who knows otherwise if you were awake and here right now you could have been 'causing me alot more hurt or accusing me of something or making me cry, coz recently you've been doin' alot of THAT lately :(
...sometimes i feel like this relationship is getting to be more and more of a ritual of some kind or just an idea we're used to or something like that...not like a real one anymore...feels like i'm on a job here to just make you and keep you happy by complying to your every demand and doin' as you ask of me or tell me to do etc...sucks actually...and i'm tryin' hard to think and figure out a way to get back the old feel to this relationship while i stay up at night...but i feel like i'm doin' all i can and my bit...but your lacking somewhere...and if i tell you so you ain't gonna take it nicely, you'll either blow up or pin it all on me again eventually so i'm just gonna let it slide, keep you happy with whatever you want till i myself find a way or something i can do myself to make this better..........sometimes its like your so into yourself your completely blind to me,my needs or wants or how i'm feeling or need to be treated, you know something? till now you have no clue what to say to me or how to deal with me when i'm upset about family or friends ever, your only words are 'chill' and 'forget it' ..and then you change topic and act like it never happended or like i'm perfectly fine...hurts more than you know.... :(
..anyways like i said earlier, what you asked me to do, i've done...so my 'job' is done now...hope your happy with it and how i've done it and hopefully this time have nothing to yell at me or find fault with it or me about...i'm goin' to head off to bed now and continue the torture and thinking process to find a solution to 'get back the spark'..!
Sweetdream on my so called "JAAN"
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